Struggles

Okay so yesterday I found myself in the assistant dean of women’s office here at school telling her everything about myself. All my sins, all my secrets, everything, I held nothing back, and you know what? I’ve never felt so free! But, it’s not all easy. This all started with me texting my friend because I was upset and he ended up calling me on skype. And he told me that I needed to find help, I said I didn’t have time to get help and he told me to make time. So I went through classes the next day defeated and finally I found myself at my desk and just sent the assistant dean a text, knowing I needed help but not really wanted to go out and do it. I got a text back from her and within 10 minutes I was walking to her office. She took me into a room next to her office and I took a deep breath and just blurted ‘it’ out. And then intertwined were stories of hurt, bitterness, guilt, shame, confusion, and apathy.

I need to confess that I’ve been so apathetic towards God, the Bible, victory, my sin, among other things and I’ve finally come to a point that I don’t care who knows my sin I just need help and I need out! After about half an hour talking to her I left but ended up going back today for a little over an hour. These meetings have been super emotional and my heart hurts but I know I need this. I need help and I’m finally getting it. But this road isn’t going to be easy. But there’s something that keeps going through my head and I’m clinging to it…God’s pursuing me, and He loves me. I owe Him this.