Longing

I should be packing considering I head back to college tomorrow morning but instead I'm sitting in my room thinking about a lot. I found mysefl looking through wedding pictures from a friend of mine's brother and his new bride, they got married yesterday. I've been learning what it means to give God your desires a lot lately. I'm 20 years old, and during my "teenage years" ofcourse I wanted guy's attention but now it's somewhat different. My heart longs to be with someone, I long to get married.

A few days ago I ended up in tears while praying to God, I realized that as it looks now with the opportunities that He's been laying infront of me I have to lay down a lot of my desires in life. I want to get married but right now I'm in Bible college, and I head back from 2nd year next year. And then after that I want to take an internship where I'll be living in a large city while going to college online to get certified in addictions counseling and to become a counselor. And if you had told me this a few months ago I wouldn't believe you...and if you knew my hearts desires you'd question why I'd do this in the first place.

My hearts desire is to get married, to live in the country, and to have children....living in a big city and working at a rescue mission while becoming certified to counsel drug addicts is a far cry from that. And it was in the tearful prayer that I realized I needed to trust God, and not only that but I feel like He's teaching me that HE is enough. It's easy to say Christ is enough but it's at those times when I feel lonely that I realize, I'm not even close to being in love with Christ and having Him be enough.

I guess...I have a lot of growing up to do. I'm 20 years old and learning what it means to be fulfilled by God.