Exactly a year ago today I typed out my feelings on my old blog about not graduating...and while I totally suger coated how I was TRULY feeling here's a taste of what was said.
June 8, 2010 - "Today I would've graduated high school. When I left my public school at the end of freshman year I couldn't have fathomed what it'd feel like not to graduate with the people I went to school since 2nd grade. They had the graduation at the football stadium which is in the MIDDLE of town. I wanted to avoid it at all costs. When I gave my life over to the Lord I knew there would be trials, but I didn't think any of them would have to do with my old school. So I was out all day with my sister Kati who messaged me at like 11:30 this morning that she NEEDED pizza hut lol, so I jumped in the shower and was at her house 20 minutes later. We ended up just going different places all day and then we met up with my mom and little sister at the park...which is across the street from the stadium. The whole time we were there I wanted to cry. I could see the parade of gold and black caps and gowns, and I could hear the music. I had and sorta still do have conflicting feelings. On one hand I know me leaving public school, having trouble with cyber schools and now not graduating till next year is all in the Lord's plan for my life. But then on the other I was in school with those people since 2nd grade and I wanted to graduate this year!! 2010 was suppose to be my year! I came home and was okay, but then I signed onto facebook and there already sat graduation pictures...and I clicked on them. I sat at the computer and had myself a good cry....yes it hurts that I'm not graduating till next year but I know this is all in the Lord's plan for my life. And walking in the Lord's will is SO much better than walking across the stage in 2010."
That's what I said but the hurt, pain, frustration, etc that I was feeling inside stayed there. For a good long time. I was angry and bitter for such a long time, which only got worse this past fall when most of my friends went off to the Bible Institute without me. Over and over people would tell me that this had to be the Lord's will and that He must have something amazing planned. I would agree but deep in my heart I just wanted to scream. I stayed bitter for a very long time until a few months ago I didn't even WANT to know why this was the Lord's will. But then He began to soften my heart and I began to learn some really valuable life lessons, things that I didn't even realize I needed to change were brought to the light.
Now here I sit exactly a year from that frustration and anger, I am a high school graduate. The Lord's faithfulness has become so evident in my life, to know that exactly a year from when I was "suppose" to graduate I walked across that stage and graduated...it's truly amazing. I could NOT have done it without Christ. :-D
