God, what have I been doing?

..what if there's a bigger picture? What if i'm missing out? What if there's a greater purpose, that I could be living now....outside my own little world. Father break my heart for what breaks Yours, give me open hands and open doors, put Your light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me ♥

Brokenness

So I'm sorry for just disappearing. I left June 18th for New York to work my 5th summer at the WOL Inn! It's been almost a month and it's been a crazy experience. Good and bad. But God's truly working in my life.

Confessing sin.

Something that we think only is towards God but when you're constantly struggling with a certain sin and you constantly go back to it obviously this whole hide this sin from the world deal isn't working.

I've come to see that hiding a sin is really Satan lying to us. That people won't see us the same, that our world's going to end, that something horrible is going to happen. But the peace that comes with confession is hard to explain. But I found out what it feels like 2 days ago. I wanted to share with ya'll a letter I wrote to a lady who does devos here for us.

Hey Mrs. *******,

So we all missed you so much on Monday but we still had an awesome time. I really wanted to send you a message thanking you. So you spoke to us a few Mondays ago, and being there sitting in the front row, I was so convicted. I knew I needed to talk to someone about 2 sins in my life but 1 of those was something I just "couldn't" talk about...so I just buried it and kept going on with my life here at the inn but God was definitely at work in my heart. I spoke to my friend who's a unit leader about a sin in my life but I was still holding back a hidden sin that I've never talked to anyone about. But when ***** spoke this past Monday night I could feel God telling me I just needed to talk to someone about this sin of mine. So when we were invited to stay behind and pray and talk to someone I stayed behind, but I chickened out. My friend came over and I just cried in her arms and while yes I was crying over the sin I had discussed with her a week before, I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about this "deep dark secret" sin. So she walked me back to my cabin and left. And I just stood there looking into the mirror and realized I just HAD to tell her and if I didn't that night I never would so all epic like and movie like (lol) I chased her outside and blurted out that I had a sin I've never told anyone before and I NEEDED to talk to her. While yes it took me half an hour I finally told her, and the Lord has truly blessed me with a sense of peace. After years and years of buying into Satan's lie that my world was going to end, or noone would look at me the same and that I just needed to hide my sin these past 2 days have been so joyous and I wanted to thank you for being apart of my journey to finally seeking forgiveness! Looking forward to the next time we're all together!

Emily.

The joy and peace that has come with finally admitting sin outloud...admitting to a sin that has been in my life for atleast a decade, finally seeing past Satan's lies to hide my sin and telling someone who then comforted me telling me that she still loved me, that she doesn't see me and differently and then she told me something that made me sob uncontrollably.

"You're still precious in the eyes of God"

True brokenness is a gift that I'm glad to have.

A glimpse

I've been gone for 3 weeks. No I haven't been avoiding my blog, I've been in New York where I'll be all summer and it's been....crazy! So here's a glimpse and I promise I'll write later!