Finally

So two days ago marked a day that I've been waiting to happen for the past 7 years. After a long 5 year struggle with self injury, today was the 2 year anniversary of being free from cutting. To be honest I haven't been free from self injury for 2 years, but I have been free from cutting for the past 2 years. I struggled with cutting for 5 years, but there were other forms of self injury that came before, after, and during that 5 year struggle. It comes in many different forms. But on Monday I chose to celebrate my victory over cutting and to celebrate that I haven't intentional hurt myself for the past 13 months.

I posted on facebook this status:

"I wanna be real. I want to be able to speak my mind and heart and not be afraid what others think. I want to be authentic. There are things in my life that I've done that I'm in no way proud of. But when you can clearly see in your life when you were down and out, you were falling but God saved you, your perspective about who Christ is exactly changed.

I use to cut myself.

I struggled with a vicious cycle of self injury for about 5 years. Five long years of giving Satan a foothold in my life, feeling shame, being a slave to sin, just not understanding how to get out. Five long years of feeling like my emotions and actions were out of control.

I know what it's like to be afraid of my own mind.
I felt trapped. I felt stuck, alone, and scared...more scared then I've ever been in my life. I didn't know who I was anymore, I didn't recognize my own thoughts. As I saw it I had no way out. For those years I was stuck in depression, suicidal thoughts, and endless ups and downs of self injury.
But Christ saved me.
And in the words of Relient K:
"I'm sorry for the person I became, I sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to try to never become that way again. Who I am hates who I've been, who I am will take the second chance You gave me."
Tomorrow I will be 2 years free from cutting."

I was honestly terrified to post that on facebook but I hit post and then turned off my computer lol. And now I'm thankful I did, I've been able to talk to multiple people about it and their own struggles. I was talking to one of my friends about it and I was telling him how I felt like my theme in life right now is learning to be open and honest and watching 2 Corinthians ring true where it says "I've been comforted by the Great Comforter so I can comfort others". 

It feels super surreal to have finally hit the 2 year mark! God is so faithful, and He is so awesome.