Why can't I let a good thing stay..good?

So my life as of...Sunday has started to slowly but surely fall apart. After over a year of conviction I sent 2 of my brothers and 2 of my sisters a text asking them if they knew where they would go when they died. The only one to respond was my older brother. Very angrily, he said a few things and when i tried to add to the conversation he ended the conversation. I let it go because I wasn't exactly sure what to say, and then yesterday afternoon I got a rather long and angry email from him where he threatened to cut off communication with me if I brought up God again. And apparently now all of my family is angry with me and my mom said she'll "try to talk to me about it later". But as much as that's tearing me apart inside...it doesn't stop there. I made a mistake. I think. I told one of my best guy friends that I couldn't do the bible study we were doing together anymore. I was started to get attached in a way that I knew he didn't feel about me and knew I wasn't guarding my heart. But because I was so emotional last night, instead of talking to him about it I just dropped it out of nowhere. And so that caused a conversation. And now here I sit after classes all morning and working lunch and I feel awful. Why does it seem that I keep messing everything up....why can't   I let a good thing stay..good?

Struggles

Okay so yesterday I found myself in the assistant dean of women’s office here at school telling her everything about myself. All my sins, all my secrets, everything, I held nothing back, and you know what? I’ve never felt so free! But, it’s not all easy. This all started with me texting my friend because I was upset and he ended up calling me on skype. And he told me that I needed to find help, I said I didn’t have time to get help and he told me to make time. So I went through classes the next day defeated and finally I found myself at my desk and just sent the assistant dean a text, knowing I needed help but not really wanted to go out and do it. I got a text back from her and within 10 minutes I was walking to her office. She took me into a room next to her office and I took a deep breath and just blurted ‘it’ out. And then intertwined were stories of hurt, bitterness, guilt, shame, confusion, and apathy.

I need to confess that I’ve been so apathetic towards God, the Bible, victory, my sin, among other things and I’ve finally come to a point that I don’t care who knows my sin I just need help and I need out! After about half an hour talking to her I left but ended up going back today for a little over an hour. These meetings have been super emotional and my heart hurts but I know I need this. I need help and I’m finally getting it. But this road isn’t going to be easy. But there’s something that keeps going through my head and I’m clinging to it…God’s pursuing me, and He loves me. I owe Him this.