I am...

I am a woman.
I can talk louder than most, but I’d rather you hear my pumping heart, beating loudly with life and love that runs deep & thick through each vein.

I carry the weight of my hips & the weight of the world; I’m stronger than I look & I’m stronger than I feel.
I am made in the image of God and I am emotional. I struggle with the want to hide my emotions and at the same time I don’t want to keep my feelings bound up in the bars of my ribcage.

I am a younger sister.
I've spent nights worried about my siblings decisions in life, I've spent long times in prayer for their futures, and their present...I've spent time defending them, I've spent times missing them like crazy and I've spent times not knowing what to do when the choices in their lives weren't and aren't the way they "should" be.

I am an older sister.
I'm scared for their future, I want them to be living their lives out for Christ but ultimately that's going to be a personal decision...and that terrifies me. I want to be a Godly example in their life, but struggle daily with just remembering to breathe and remember that everything is going to be OKAY.

I am a daughter.
Number 3 daughter to be exact and I'm the loud one...that's just the way it is. But I'm also the one that's quiet about my struggles. I still don't know if they truly understand what I went through.....do you?

I am a step-daughter.
I love him but I also struggle with respect, I struggle with not letting my anger towards others be the reason for my anger towards my step-dad. I struggle with letting my abandonment issues dictact how I'm going to enteract with my him.

I am a aunt.
To 5 nephews and 2 soon to be 3 nieces. Watching them grow up so fast is a terrifying fact in my life.

I am a bestfriend.
There are times I can't stand her and then times I don't know what to do with myself when we can't be together. Friends are truly a reminder from God of what love is. I wouldn't trade my Leah for anything.

I'm a Christian
The Lord is my Savior and He's where I go to find my strength...I pray that I find it nowhere else anymore

I am survivor.
I have clawed my way through the valley of death and I did fear evil because it reigned in my mind. I continue to walk the hills of depression but I know that the hurt means I’m alive and isn’t that a gift?

My skin has been sliced and diced by words and knives alike and the scar tissue doesn’t numb the remembering but it makes me stronger than I was when I started.

I am a struggler.
The list could go on and on. But througout them all I strive for God's grace and mercy to shine through my life and actions.

Yes, I am a deep thinker.

I wonder how I’m going to avoid the shallow end of the pool today. I fear being too safe and I fear the risk. I am a contradiction but I walk it out and figure it out and learn that I need to say yes to the mess. Yes to the risk. Yes to really living it full.
Because this life… this one life I have & everything I pack into it is a gift.
I’m re-learning the graceful art of counting the gifts, the blessings.


“What if you woke up tomorrow with only what you thanked God for today?”

And I am haunted.

I am reminded.