Anxiety/Panic

You can call it what you want.

Anxiety attack..panic attack.

I struggle with both.

It's definitely not as bad as it use to be but having panic attacks was something I struggled with on a daily basis. That's something that I think I've only shared with 1 other person. Was I ashamed? I don't really know, it's more of the fact that unless you're there to witness the attack while it's happening you can't really tell if someone has an issue with it. So who's going to believe me, right?

My goal is to be more open and transparent so I'm okay with starting to talk about it. I still deal with anxiety attacks. Like for example in my Theology class last month..well October our teacher asked for volunteers that would be reading something in front of the class later in the upcoming week. Something in me told me I had to do it. So I raised my hand and got picked.

I have a huge desire to get over my anxiety. So I lean on God and then with much fear purposefully put myself into positions where I know I'm going to get anxious. Like for instance getting up on stage in front of 250+ people and reading. I put myself in positions to make myself anxious, which is really easy I mean I know myself and I know what makes me anxious. I push through it with God's help, man does my prayer life spike when I'm having anxiety!

I know I can't do this on my own strength, I know that because I've tried for so long. My struggle with anxiety is way bigger then some little stage fright. Because my anxiety attacks leads into panic attacks. For example I'll have an anxiety attack over something simple like walking down the block from my sisters house to my house when it's dark out. But you would think once i get into my house and the door is locked I'd be okay but then panic sets in "what if a person followed me home what if somehow he gets in, I could be killed".

You see my panic attacks are very unrealistic...sometimes I blame shows like Criminal Minds lol.

I know if I really want to get over these attacks I need to turn to Christ, cause it's only through Him that I'll find healing. It just feels nice to be able to type this all out.

Maybe I'm not all alone in this....