Something I've really never talked about before...something about my past. Before I continue with what I want to say I might as well put it out there so you can stop reading if you want to lol.
Demons.
I don't care what others think, demons are real, the bible tells us so. So anyways.
It started with an overwhelming feeling. I don't know how to explain it. It was something like an overwhelming anxious feeling. Which then turned to an overwhelming heaviness, like depression. Then the dreams started. I don't even like thinking about the dreams I use to have, I still remember them in detail and they got to a point where they were so bad I didn't want to sleep anymore. I figured if I slept I wouldn't have those dreams and I wouldn't get scared anymore, well I thought wrong. There were so many nights that I ended up in my attic room on the corner of my bed crying and rocking back and forth or in the corner of my room doing the same thing. That was such a scary time in my life, I was scared of my own mind and of demons, beings I had only read about in the bible
It's actually something that I like to try and forget about. And it's something that usually doesn't end up in my testimony when I tell people about my life. I wish I could say all that stayed in my past but there are still aspects of it in my life. Not to that extreme at all but maybe a handful of times over the past year I've had night where all I could do was cry and rock in my sleep. Over this past week I started a new ministry here at school. I'm now a "conversation partner". So I now work with 5 Korean students and 1 Japanese student. I'm there for there academic, social, and spiritual life. So this past week I spent A LOT of time sharing my testimony and listening to theirs. All that time of sharing what God has done in my life left me with a spirit of thankfulness, but then I started to dwell on the past and I started to feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone because I was scared.
Then yesterday at our meeting here at school after our 7th weekend of snow camp finished we were sharing testimonies about this past weekend and my friend Tim stood up. He started to share about his past with demons and dreams and how he was able to minister to one of his campers who had been dealing with the same thing. He mentioned he has scripture that he kept for himself that he was able to share with his camper and it was at the moment I knew I had to find Tim later and talk to him. I saw him a few hours later and I ran and caught up to him and just asked the references of those verses and he ended up sitting down with me and talking with me for about half an hour. I'm so thankful for the friends that God has placed in my life here at my first year of college.
And while dealing with demons is a scary thing I know that God has it under control. There's this Indian proverb a professor of ours told us once that talk about a father eagle going out to get food for the mother eagle and their eagle babies. The father went to get a chicken but saw a duckling and took the duckling instead. When he came back the mother duckling told him to put it back, because it was defenseless! That reminded me of me, God, and demons. I see myself as the duckling, demons as the father eagle, and God as the mother eagle. God allows things to happen to us, and demons can't mess with us without God's permission to accomplish whatever in His will. But just like the mother eagle I can see Him telling the demons "put her back". And I can have comfort in that.
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