What do I know of Holy?

So I haven't blogged since...August. Dang. (With that in mind be ready for some rambling) So much has happened, and there are times I wish I would've posted something, saved a draft, something. But it was through these past few months that God has been busy at work in my life. And it's been painful, to be honest.

There have been things I've had to walk through that I wish I could have learned the lessons in a different way. I walked through a break up..still am, walked through learning what sin was in my life, walked through reconciliation, walked through losing more friends, walked through valleys of depression, walked through learning what grace means, and walked through just being tired. And I'm sure and I know there's so much more that could be added to that list.

These past few months have been nothing I would have wished for, nor was prepared for. Everything seemed to be finally be okay and settling down after a crazy few months and then it all seemed to come crashing down at the same time and for once in a really long time I didn't want to try and put it all back together. I just wanted to run, soo soo bad. I begged my mom to come get me from school, I withdrew from those around me, and I was just so tired. I slept a lot at school. I would go to class in the morning, come back to my room sleep, go to work, come back and sleep. My grades suffered and so did my health.

But God is so faithful, so very very faithful. Over the past few months I've become so sick of my own sin in my life. I had become desensitized to it, we're called to hate sin and I not only was flirting with it but I was in a freaking relationship with it. There's a quote a friend shared with me and it says "What is sin? Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of the body over the mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may seem in itself" -Susanna Wesley. And that's when it hit me, there's a whole lot in my life that is sin, and so started a long journey of having to walk through figuring out what it looked like to give that all to God.

During one of the Chancellor's Chapel at school our director used the phrase "Don't let your circumstances dictate your joy." And that's something I really struggle with, if things are going on around me I can't help but be upset. But another phrase I heard goes along with that. People always say God won't give you more than you can handle..but actually He can and He will, that's the point. YOU can't do it, HE can. God really started asking the same question over and over again to me "Do you trust Me?"

Coming back to WOLBI for a second year was definitely a leap of faith and me having to give into something bigger than myself, God definitely had my attention and I'm excited to see what else He has in store for me.

‎"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we(I) am not consumed, for His compassions never fail." -Lamentations 3:21-22
♥ Wow, thank You Daddy ♥"